Adding another Melee Run Recording, a slightly more sane one and more concise.
Inspired and encouraged by Vholes, here are my exploits during
A MANLIER REAL MAN’S MELEE RUN.
No running away and no healing except for resting, and only when completely beaten up to 0 hp. No use of ranged or etheric techniques, those are for weak cowards. Just manly clobbering. Clobbering someone from behind in the kidney or when distracting them is acceptable.
DAY 1
Southside
I wake up without memory, except the knowledge of being awesome. I apparently have a message on my… message thing.
I go to this diner. Effeminate smily guy has some of my stuff, odd. Nice coat, better than this old jacket. I fiddle with the freaky box he gave me. It does nothing. I do carry it around me, it feels powerful.
I like Mikhail, he’s giving me credits, up front. That seems…unwise in this place. Oh well, got nothing better to do, heading for the park.
The Park
Because I am still holding this cheap pistol I had on me, I nearly forgot to be a manly man and almost shoot this fang ganger harassing a homeless guy, but I resist the temptation and manage to knock him out. Like a proper man. He does shoot me while I take my time beating on him and ignoring the opportunities to shoot him and I black out. In a manly manner.
I rest in my home and swear never to be tempted by cowardly firearms again. (Removing my ranged techniques. Glad that I’m starting out with 10 punches and 5 dive for covers).
Another Fang bastard. Duck, punch, punch. I take him down with only 4 damage. Nice coat, I am learning to use it better. Float like a discarded piece of plastic wrapping caught by the wind. Sting like a mean bastard. The fang guy drops a filthy pistol, filthy indeed.
A sniper! In the park! From a rival gang, I guess. Huh, I am in a gang, didn’t recall that till now. I am shot to the head and pumped full of bullets and die while I ponder this… or not, true men do not die. They do need to rest though and not participate in gang warfare while relearning things. I have learned to really whirl my coat around when facing gunmen thanks to that sniper.
Some crazy bum attacks me. That’s the thanks I get for helping the homeless. He drops some rags and knuckles. Nice. Now I can stop hitting people with my cheap unloaded pistol.
More homeless harassing. This must end. When you pick on people, you pick on bigger people, not weaker ones. Wusses.The Fang bloke can’t touch me; dodge, duck, bam, dive, bam! Another filthy gun. Blegh.
Yet another Fanger. Drops a switchblade. Hmm… I will stick to punching people with my brass knuckles, it is manlier, but otherwise it would have been useful.
Another crazy bum. Another switchblade.
Save the homeless, beat up a local ganger today.
Also Borkman is awesome. I suddenly have the urge to mess about with the box again. It turns into a rod. This seems more useful, makes me feel STRONG, I will not be fiddling with it again. Fiddling is for girls.
Another loonie bum. He drops a garbage sticker. Oh, right, I got some rags earlier. Lets check those out. They’re smelly old pants. I duck behind some bushes in the park and change pants. What a man does in order to kick ass.
Another Fang. Can’t touch me. Smack, bam, Pow.
Another Fang. Kapow! Candybar, a newspaper sticks to my garbage sticker, no time to read though. NEED TO KICK MORE ASS.
Save another homeless guy. More candy, and a coat.. not as cool as my coat.
This bum can have the coat.
The bum is grateful. He may teach me. Ugh, the loser is an awful teacher. Dive for cover x 2 and 1 punch.. I know how to do that already. Jerk.
Another Fang. Frustated by the lack of useful bum education I get hit.
The friendly bum gets a 2nd chance to teach me some good, useful moves. 1 punch, 1 lashout. Hmmph, a very slight improvement.
Another crazy bum down.
Help the useless homeless. Got more knuckles, good to have some spare, I think.
This is your last chance to teach me something, bummy. WHAT?! You’re teaching me how to dive for cover. You suck! Next time I’m keeping the coat and you can freeze to death instead of wasting my time!
I take out my rage at some more bums and fangs.
Too tired to go on, all that useless training with the bum.. I eat the ancient candy bar..2 energy yum…
I meet the friendly, dumb bum again. No training from you, loser, just give me the drugs and get lost.
I hand in my mission report to Lo.
The Docks
Getting myself some good food from the smuggler. Truffle and a soda. The rich eat fancy, but not a lot apparently. I also get a gallery visor so my fellows can learn from my MANLY AWESOMENESS. Tomorrow, because I forget to put it on today.
The truffle is gone in one bite, 4 energy, and I wash the tiny meal down with some soda, 2 energy.
I explore the warehouses. No drugs, only locks, stinks and a weird fellow.
I sit down to chat with some labourers. They share their lousy coffee.
I steal a crate and open it. @#$#@$^, it’s full of cheap cowardly pistols.
Fang gangers here, too? Down you go.
I blackmail a crooked guard for info.
I decide to hang around on docks and find a crate of medicine. I give it to squatter king for 3 maps. That’s guy’s freaky.
The Sewers
A rat. No time to deal with animal vermin. I dart past, but my muscular bulk slows me down and I am attacked. One punch and the rat is out.
Like my energy.
I use the maps and then leave to eat a jumbo platter at Mikhails, for 10 energy.
Back in the sewers I encounter a wall and pull myself over. Or not, apparently this was a freakishly huge wall that could stop even a man as mighty as me.
A Fanger.
Another rat.
A different rat
I follow some graffiti.
Then suddenly 2 Fangs ambush me. The cowards are ganging up on me. Both go down, my coat whirling. Some damage taken when there was no cover to dive behind. I use the map they dropped.
The wall again. My nemesis. This time I know it’s a supernaturally tall wall and am prepared. Victory is mine.
I follow some more graffiti behind the wall.
Some more vermin, a rat and a Fang.
I eat the grilled panini I took with me from Mikhail’s for 3 energy.Vaguely I recall delicious food from the past. I feel miserable, eating a mediocre lunch in some smelly sewers. Life ain't cool.
I beat down another Fang. His life is worse than mine.
Finally I come upon a cave filled with Fangs.
An enforcer guarding the entrance nearly gets the better of me. 2 hp left out of 7 I started the fight with, but I win, of course. I take his armored vest… and tuck it away, got me coat, don’t need the vest.
And that’s it. Not drinking the lousy coffee from Joe despite being too tired to go on.
Manly Melee Thoughts
The lack of excellent, easy food from the smuggler combined with wasting time finding and training with the bum trying to get more melee techniques took their toll and slowed me down quite a bit. Really wish the bum was a better trainer. If only he could realize I already know the things (punch, dive for cover) he’s teaching me very, very well after he instructs me and does not teach them again the next time I meet him.
My neat coat may have saved my ass a few times, manlier men without cool coats probably have a slightly harder time.
Tomorrow, more manly melee madness.