Horrible Poet

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Encounter Conditions

Only when not Etheric.
Only without Survey of Modern Poetry equipped.
Only if not unlocked the Punk Bomber.
Only if not murdered him below.

Initial Text

You make your way around the quad and slowly notice a droning voice. A man seems to be following you, reading poetry.

You're not sure why he started, but he seems dead set on finishing.

Summary of Choices

1. Ignore him - Get 1 bad poetry and 2 XP in Will
2. Respond with worse - If you have bad poetry equipped, exchange it for satirical poetry
   If you have satirical poetry equipped, gain 3 XP in Will
   Otherwise, gain 1 XP in Will
3. Pretend to be an old friend - (Only if you know his name from his friend in Open Computer Lab or the Student Selling Books) - Gain 3-5 Will
4. Psychoanalyze him - (Only if you have used a Survey of Modern Poetry under the influence of an orange juice sample with a programmatic satire equipped) - Removes this encounter for the remainder of the day.
5. Talk Halloween - (Only during Halloween 2010, Halloween 2011, or Halloween 2012)
6. Murder him (evil) - Fight hipster; if you defeat him, kill him permanently (removes encounter), unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab
7. Run away! - Gain 1 XP in Strength and 1 XP in Reflexes

Choice Text and Results

Ignore him

You stare at him, slowly letting your consciousness ebb away. You eventually realize he's gone, although you never noticed him leave.

He left you with some poetry, though. Apparently that's the best reception he's gotten in a while.

You found: bad poetry

You've earned 2 XP in Will

Respond with worse

Normally	You do your best to outdo him with even worse poetry. Eventually you even resort to limericks and childhood rhymes. You gather a small crowd, which only seems to encourage him to new depths of verbose pontification. Eventually, he wanders off with a smug grin on his face. Damn it.	Gain 1 XP Will
Bad poetry equipped	You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers. A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better. And, hey, you know what this poetry is for now! And, if you have jotted notes from a Post Archive (University Net) with overwrought poetry (does this do anything?): Those notes you jotted on here from the Net really came in handy! He never stood a chance.	You upgraded your equipped offhand to satirical poetry; Gain 3 XP Will

Following needs checking as to exact messages:
(With satirical poetry or vicious poetry equipped:)

You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers.

A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better.

(Plus, If you've jotted down notes a few times?)

You're not sure you'll ever tire of taking him down a notch like this.

(Or, with vicious poetry if you haven't jotted notes at all?)

If he wasn't running around bugging everyone, you'd almost feel bad for the horrible mockery you were lobbing back at him.

(And, if you have enough (5? 8? thereabouts) jotted notes from a Post Archive (University Net) with overwrought poetry, with satirical poetry equipped:)

Those notes you jotted on here from the Net really came in handy! He never stood a chance.

You upgraded your equipped offhand to vicious poetry.

(And then:)

You've earned 3 XP in Will

Programmatic poetry equipped	You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers. A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better. Man, looping through his poetry ahead of him, cutting him off at every juncture. That was great. And you were definitely right about where his poetry came from.	Upgrades programmatic poetry to programmatic satire; gain 3-4 XP Will
Programmatic satire equipped	You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers. A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better. You get the feeling that you're able to loop through this stuff faster than he is.	Gain 3-4 XP Will

Pretend to be an old friend

You run up and clasp his hand. "Dave, old buddy!"

He clues in pretty quickly and you loudly spin elaborate tales of your times together, to the confusion and amusement of bystanders. Eventually you wander off, feeling especially refreshed and amused.

You've earned 3 XP in Will

(Or, first time in a reset:)

You walk up to him and clasp his hand. "Dave, old buddy! It's so great to see you!"

The poet seems stunned. You keep up the act, pretending at first to have known him forever, then being insulted when he doesn't remember you.

Eventually you storm off, leaving him standing there dumbfounded. That felt great.
You've earned 5 XP in Will

Psychoanalyze him

You psychoanalyze him right there on the Quad, drawing an increasingly interested group of onlookers. A few whisper that they love this new performance piece.

It's an interesting exercise, proving you know him better than you do yourself. But, eventually you realize you do know him better than you know yourself.

After that, you feel a bit disheartened. Ah well, at worst it was a good mental exercise… and you might have helped him with some of his obvious problems.



You've earned 6 XP in Perception

(Remove this encounter for the rest of the day.)

Talk Halloween

+ Halloween 2010

During Halloween 2010:

He refuses to be dissuaded from his poetry. However, now that you're thinking about it, the epic poem he's reading right now is about Halloween.

From what you can parse out, it seems to be about how the Emerald Gift is named for the gift it's received… not the gift they have or the gift they give. It might just be more of his usual gibberish, though.

You've earned 3 XP in Perception

+ Halloween 2011

During Halloween 2011:

He refuses to be dissuaded from his poetry. However, now that you're thinking about it, the epic poem he's reading right now is sort of about Halloween.

From what you can parse out it seems to be about how, even if the Emerald Gift aren't here in body, they're here in spirit. It's all gibberish, but the bit about them waiting "beyond the veil of mist, in the green-lit city of crystal spires, which we need only the light to see" seems slightly more cogent.

He's probably just quoting their lyrics, though.

You've earned 3 XP in Perception

+ Halloween 2012

During Halloween 2012:

He refuses to be dissuaded from his poetry. However, now that you're thinking about it, the epic poem he's reading right now is sort of about Halloween.

From what you can parse out it could be the lyrics to a song. It's all gibberish, but the bit about them waiting "beyond the veil of mist, in the green-lit city of crystal spires, which we need only the light to see" seems slightly more cogent.

It sounds familiar somehow.

You've earned 3 XP in Perception

Murder him (evil (2))

You can't really say if there's more than one poet running around, but hopefully killing this guy will teach them all an important lesson.

Now, killing him in broad daylight is well outside the bounds of the social contract, but it definitely takes him by surprise. He drops a stack of poetry and tries to defend himself.

(Fight a Hipster - If you defeat him, unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab, and kill him permanently.)

Run away!

When you break for it, he seems to chase after you for a while, reading along the way. Eventually, he realizes he's running, looks around sheepishly, and stops.

You've earned 1 XP in Reflexes

You've earned 1 XP in Strength

History

Prior to December 6th, 2016, the 'Crack skulls' option was updated to 'Murder him' and resulted in:

You take him by surprise. He drops a stack of poetry and tries to defend himself.

(Fight a Hipster - If you defeat him, kill him permanently (removes encounter), unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab.)